hospice, not what you think it is

So I've now had numerous opportunities to tell people that I'm in hospice care. What I've found is that most people have an outdated impression of hospice. Sort of that you're hospitalized, hooked to an IV, and gasping for your last breath. But that's not it at all. I'm home and essentially leading a normal life. Oh, things like constipation and pain control take a more prominent role than they do for most folks. But most folks who see me are telling me how incredibly good I look. That if they didn't know how very sick I was they wouldn't think a thing in the world was wrong with me.

Oh, but I know the truth. Saturday I woke up with a pain that seems to have become more permanent in nature. This has resulted in a slight increase in the amount of morphine I take. It kind of reminds me of when Jeannie's liver started to enlarge. Because it has been accompanied by a decrease in how much I can eat. I get that "full" feeling quickly. I do have a good appetite, which is a good thing. My sister is here to make sure I'm eating and eating well. We generally get out for lunch each day. This guarantees that we do get out. One day this week even turned into a 2 thousand dollar stop at Best Buy. 

So why does a dying man spend 2 thousand dollars at Best Buy? Because he decided there's no reason he should spend his final days with a TV that's also trying to leave the world, an iPad that is severely limping, and a desktop that is behaving poorly.  Must say I'm quite pleased with my new Dell 2 in 1 and the 55" Sony. I'm also waiting for a new LL Bean parka to show up. Any of these items are "Christmas ideas" I would have given Jeannie in a more normal year. I might not get nearly as much use out of them as I  would have in a more normal year. But life is anything but normal. I continue to be enjoying it as much as I possibly can. 

Next time I write maybe I'll write about messages I've gotten from Jeannie since she's left. (hint: they've been kind of low-key, just like us) Or maybe I'll say a few words about alternative pain control methods and how well they really do work. Todays agenda includes a B12/testosterone injection. I think we've found a schedule that spaces them out just right. They've definitely been an energy boost.